


The Adventures of Girlkara

by Achika



Series: Girlkara [1]
Category: That Guy with the Glasses
Genre: Genderswap, Kickassia Continuity, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 22:47:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 19,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achika/pseuds/Achika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Kickassia-continuity verse where AlwaysAGirl!Linkara has to deal with life and her psuedo-boyfriend secretly being her arch-enemy half the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 5 Times Girlkara and Spoony almost kissed before they got together

1\. She joins the site in November, and almost immediately after the first video hits there’s an email in her Inbox from The Spoony One. It’s short but sweet, congratulating her on becoming a member of Channel Awesome and saying that Spoony had liked her video. His Skype account and other contact info is in there too, and the two of them start talking regularly.

One of those conversations leads to Linkara complaining about the Minnesota cold.

“Come to Arizona for a while. I guarantee there won’t be any snow on the ground,” Spoony offers.

“I…uh…” She looks at the calendar. December 27th. It would be a bitch to get a flight but…“Yeah, okay. I’ve got some videos in the wings, I can take a short vacation,”

Her parents think she’s kind of crazy for doing it, but she hops on a plane a few days later using some of her Christmas money. She’s a little nervous, because she’d never actually met any of her coworkers before, and also she’d grown up in the era when people were still constantly telling you never to meet in person with anyone you met online because they would kill you. She wasn’t actually nervous about Spoony, but that voice never really goes away.

Spoony meets her at the baggage claim, and there’s an awkward moment where they’re not really sure how to greet each other. Spoony settles on pulling her into a hug, shifting her bags to get a better grip, and Linkara can’t help but grin.

“Ready for a week at Chez Spoony?” he asks.

 

2\. When Linkara figures out that she can teleport using her Magic, the first long jump she makes it to Arizona.

“What the _fuck_ ” Spoony yelps.

“I CAN TELEPORT! HOW COOL IS THAT!” Linkara says, grinning wildly and yanking Spoony out of his chair. She jumps up and down excitedly, clutching his hands. “Teleporting! No more airplanes! Spoony, Spoony this is great!"

Spoony laughs and puts his hands on her shoulders, keeping her still, and rests his forehead against hers. He’s smiling too, and is so close…

“Yeah, that is kind of badass,” He says. “But call first next time. I might not have been decent, you know,”

3\. “So Marz dumped me for Stalin and this Doctor Insano guy is really putting a cramp in my style. Can I have a hug please?” Linkara asks, flopping down next to Spoony on his couch.

“Wait, you and Marzgurl were dating? Hot,” Spoony says.

“Not really. And did you miss the part where she dumped me for Stalin?” Linkara asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Aww, I’m sorry, babe,” Spoony says. His voice is teasing but he does pull her into a hug. “Let Uncle Spoony make it aaaaall better,”

Linkara snorts. “You’re disgusting,”

“You know you like it,” Spoony says. There is a pause, and then Spoony continues, much more quietly. “I am sorry, you know. About…Insano and Marzgurl and…everything,”

Linkara smiles and flicks his nose. He’s got that adorable sad puppy dog expression on his face that makes Linkara want to kiss it all better. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. But thanks,”

Spoony’s return smile is a little weaker than usual, but Linkara doesn’t think anything of it.

 

4\. Linkara’s painkillers are wearing off and she doesn’t have any more. The rest of them had been used after her last fight with Insano the night before, and no one had had a chance to restock. So now she is stuck on the couch, feeling the pain in her abdomen and back get worse with no one to get her more because she is alone in the house for once and it hurts to move. It feels like her insides are twisting without her consent. Being a girl sucks.

There’s a knock on the door, and Linkara groans and forces herself upright.

“Spoony? What are you doing here?” Linkara asks, surprised. She’s happy to see him, but he has the worst timing.

“Surprise! I was bored so I thought ‘Why not go bug Linkara?’” Spoony says. The Spoony actually looks at her. “What’s wrong? You look pale,”

“Just cramps and no painkillers. It’s fine,” Linkara says, gripping the door handle tightly.

Spoony frowns. “Do you want me to run to the store?”

“Would you please? I hate to ask but I don’t think I’d make it there myself,” Linkara asked.

“Got nothing better to do. Uh…where is the store?”

Spoony comes back a half hour later with a bottle of painkillers, a bottle of water, a bag of assorted funsize candybars, as well as a bag of Fritos and a roll of cookie dough. Linkara stares at him, wide-eyed, before grabbing the painkillers and water.

“I could freaking kiss you right now, oh my god. How are you this awesome?”

Spoony actually blushes a little and shrugs.

5\. “And here we have an amazing sight!” Angry Joe said putting on a bad fake Australian accent and turning his camera to where Linkara and Spoony were sitting off in the windowsill bench and talking quietly. They were sitting close together, Linkara’s legs on top of Spoony’s, and Spoony must have said something funny because Linkara was laughing. “Now I know it’s rare so you might not recognize it, but this is the North American Geek’s courting ritual. The male, having finally succeeded in finding a potential mate, desperately tries to impress the female with tales of nerdery to convince her to procreate with him,”

Spoony flipped Joe and his camera off and Linkara just rolled her eyes.

“You’re just jealous that I’ve got so much more game than you,” Spoony said, draping an arm around Linkara’s shoulders.

“I have yet to see any evidence for this ‘game’ you claim to have, man,” Joe said.

Linkara got a wicked expression on her face and shifted to straddle Spoony’s lap, blocking him from the camera’s sight. “Oh __Spoony_ ,_” She said, as over the top as she could make it without completely losing it. “You’re just so __irresistible__ I don’t think I can help myself anymore!”

Spoony looked surprised for a fraction of a second, when she settled into his lap, but Linkara’s words and the expression on her face – an eyebrow raised in challenge that Joe and the others couldn’t see – quickly clued him in to what was happening.

“Of course you can’t, baby. Everyone wants their turn with the Spoony One,” Spoony said. He pulled her down until their noses were brushing, and Linkara’s hair fanned down, just long enough to hide their smirks from the camera, which Joe had moved to get a better angle.

They stared each other in the eye for along moment. It would be so easy to close that tiny gap for real and…No, that would be a bad idea.

Linkara collapsed into giggles against him, and Spoony couldn’t help but join in, especially when he saw that everyone was staring at their little performance.


	2. At the Brawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoony and Linkara, the first time. It doesn't always go the way you want.

Linkara and Spoony roomed together at the Brawl. They were friends, and they’d had two crossovers together to shoot and they still needed to put the final touches on the scripts. There were lots of jokes from their coworkers about their room being the room of pale, snarky geek sex and jokes about Spoony robbing the cradle. They shrugged most of them off, sometimes playing along if the mood struck (Spoony’s retort of “Daddy likes his girls young and flexible” and the knowing, sleaze filled grin that accompanied it had the dinner table torn between laughter and disgust.)

So people were joking about it, but they were just that. Jokes. No one actually thought anything of it, the consensus being that Linkara could punch Spoony through the wall if she wanted and was therefore safe from any advances Spoony might have made.

No one seemed to think that Linkara would be the one to initiate it. Which was how Spoony had wound up with a shirtless Linkara kissing him and pressing him into the wall.

And yeah, they’d been kind of flirting ever since Spoony had contacted her to welcome her to the site, and it seemed for a while that they were heading towards something awesome but then Insano happened, deciding that Linkara was his arch-enemy. And then it wasn’t safe to continue their flirtation because that dark part of him hated her as much as he wanted her. So he’d pulled back, and they’d settled into a nice, solid friendship where they could joke about things like sleeping together but never actually do it and there was definitely no pining like a schoolgirl for more on Spoony’s part.

“What…what the hell, Linkara?” Spoony gasped as he forced himself to pull away.

“You drive me crazy, you know that?” Linkara said, kissing him again. The slide of her lips against his, paired with the warmth from her body that was pressed so close, was probably the most distracting thing Spoony had ever experienced, and his brain was still buzzing white noise from the way she’d just shoved him against the hotel room wall. “Always flirting from arm’s length. I’m _tired_ of waiting for you to get your act together, Spoony. It's not like this has to be a big deal,”

Spoony’s hands twitched, wanting to be anywhere other than hanging useless at his sides. Unfortunately the only thing to grab onto would be Linkara’s bare skin and…yeah.

“This is a… _fuck_! A bad idea,” Spoony said, but he was kissing her neck and his hands had developed a mind of their own, which kind of undermined his point. Her skin was soft and warm, just like he’d imagined, and the smell of her vanilla-sugar scented lotion was everywhere. It was hard to think.

“Only if you make it weird. Are you going to make it weird?” Linkara asked, raising an eyebrow at him and fumbling with the button on Spoony’s pants.

“Not on purpose,” Spoony said, hissing at the feel of her hands on him when she succeeded.

The weirdness would be entirely involuntary on his part. At this point he was just hoping Insano didn’t rear his ugly head until after they had finished. Spoony should really have stopped this after the first kiss instead of kissing back, or better yet, he should have just turned around and left when he had accidentally walked in on Linkara changing. Or, probably the best option, mentioned at some point in their friendship that he had an alternate personality that regularly tried to kill her and take over the world.

But that ship had sailed over the horizon, and Spoony was just going to have to deal with the consequences, because damned if he was going to miss this chance. It might be the last one he got.

Spoony was rather impressed with himself that he managed to get both Linkara’s bra and jeans off while she was doing her best to distract him with her fingers. His own shirt had long since been sacrificed to the unstoppable force that was Linkara when she wanted something, not that he minded.

“I don’t think this is going to work like this,” Spoony said.

Linkara paused, making Spoony groan in frustration, and took in the situation.

“You’re right,” she said, and then Spoony was being dragged over to one of the beds. Linkara’s grip was tight on his arm and she shoved him roughly onto the bed, which just made Spoony even harder. Curse his weakness for dominant women.

Linkara climbed on top of him and smirked at him when a needy noise managed to make its way past his lips. The only thing separating them now were Linkara’s panties, and he could feel how wet she was through them. She was beautiful, cheeks flushed and hair a mess, lips red from kissing.

Spoony cursed and pulled her down to kiss her desperately, his other hand trailing down and brushing over one of Linkara’s nipples. She gasped, grinding her hips down against Spoony’s and broke the kiss.

“Please tell me you have condoms,” she said, breathing heavily.

It took a moment for Spoony’s brain to switch back on, and when it did he practically dove off the bed to get at his luggage. He could hear Linkara laughing at him, but that so didn’t matter at the moment.

And of course the condoms that he’d packed as a ‘just in case’ thing had to be at the very bottom of all his shit and he had to dig for them, because that was just how Spoony’s life went.

He did eventually find them, though, giving a triumphant cry and turned back to the bed only to find that Linkara had slipped out of her panties while he hadn’t been looking and was now watching him. How was this his life?

After that everything kind of descended into a blur of skin and heat, leaving Spoony breathless and drained on the hotel bed. Linkara cursed when her eyes landed on the bedside clock.

“Oh great, now I’m going to be late for dinner with the other girls,” She fired off a quick text message on her cellphone and practically ran to the shower, leaving Spoony to stare fuzzily at the door and wonder what the hell just happened. He felt suddenly cold, like he was missing something, and pulled up one of the blankets. It didn’t help.

Just when Spoony was weighing the pros and cons of taking a shower himself after Linkara was done, Linkara came out, furiously toweling her hair to get as much water out as possible. Spoony watched her get dressed from his spot on the bed: if she had cared about the audience she could have changed in the bathroom.

“The girls are all going out for food and drinks. I’ll try not to wake you if I come back,” Linkara said, picking up her purse and checking her hat in the mirror.

“…Yeah, sure. Have fun,” Spoony said, a little thrown off balance and then Linkara was out the door and Spoony was left by himself.

Spoony collapsed back onto the bed and sighed. Suddenly the room was way too quiet and still. Maybe there was something on TV…

There was a dark whisper, that had been silent up until that point, now nagging at the back of his mind.

**Didn’t even stay for post-coital snuggles, you must have really impressed her, eh Spoony?**

“Shut up,” Spoony hissed, any small, lingering amount of good feelings eaten away, and there was an answering giggle.

**I told you she’d only hurt you. That’s what she does. That’s what magic does to people like us.**

“I am nothing like you,” Spoony muttered, getting up and opening the mini-bar.

**Go ahead and keep telling yourself that. I’m sure that will work out well for you.**

Spoony put his pants back on and laid on the bed with the first bottle of booze he’d found in the mini-bar and the tv turned up loud to drown out the voice in his head as he tried to pinpoint when, exactly, his night had turned into a fucking disaster.


	3. At the Brawl - The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timestamp for the previous chapter

Spoony wakes up to bright lights as a splitting headache. Either this is Insano’s revenge for shutting him out last night, or he had drunk waaaaaaaaaay too much. The way his stomach was lurching made him think it was the latter. He pressed one hand to his mouth and one to his eyes to try and block out the light.

When he finally felt up to opening his eyes, he found a bottle of water and a small bottle of aspirin on the bedside table that hadn’t been there the night before. He took them gratefully, and that was when the bathroom door opened, squeaking in that way that meant the person behind it was trying to be quiet.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Linkara said, relaxing.

“Barely,” Spoony croaked, and took another swig of water.

“…You look how I feel,” Linkara said, collapsing onto the bed next to Spoony. It took Spoony a second to get reoriented after the movement.

“Wild night with the girls?” He asked, trying to smile.

“Oh god, you don’t even know. I woke up in bed with Marz and the Chick and I have no idea what happened. They kept saying all this stuff but I don’t know if I believe it. I mean, I don’t think I would have taught them those moves!” Linkara groaned, covering her eyes.

Oh. Oh that was just unfair. Spoony was too hungover to properly deal with that particular revelation.

Spoony sighed and held up an arm, and Linkara curled up against him. It was nice.

“Sounds better than my night, anyway,” Spoony said.

Linkara snorted. “Yeah, I saw the empty bottles when I got in this morning. Looked like you had a wild night yourself,”

“Nah. Just watched bad TV. It’s better when you’re drunk off your ass,”

Spoony said lightly. No need to think about the real reasons for the various empty bottles and the aches in his chest and in his head.

“I bet. They’re going to want us downstairs soon,” Linkara said.

“Fuck ‘em. We’ll just tell them we were having crazy hot sex and they weren’t,” Spoony said.

Linkara laughed, burying her face in Spoony’s shirt, hand clutching it tightly. The two of them just laid there for a while, enjoying the quiet and the closeness, until The Other Guy came and knocked on their door and dragged them downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, I'm aware that Linking Up With Linkara happened during Kickassia, but I couldn't resist mentioning it here. It was just too perfect. *handwaves* THERE IS NO CONTINUITY.


	4. Giving in to the madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlwaysAGirl!Linkara is dealt a nasty surprise and decides that avoidance and denial are the best options.

Spoony had pulled her aside when everyone got to Reno and looked at her, nervous, and said “There’s something I need to tell you,”

Linkara felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. Those words were never good, especially in a pseudo-relationship like theirs. She’d been _grateful_ when he got interrupted by Film Brain ushering everyone to the hotel room. Whatever Spoony wanted to say, whatever was upsetting him so much, would just have to wait. It was terrible and selfish of her, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel bad about it.

That grateful feeling went away really damn quickly, though.

“Hey, aren’t you that doctor guy?” The Snob asked. His voice carried.

“What? No. Why would you think that?” Spoony asked nervously, looking around to see who was listening. Linkara wasn’t looking at them, just listening, and wasn’t noticed.

“No, yeah. You had the goggles and everything. Doctor Insa–“ The Snob said.

“NO! I mean, I was before, but that was the past,” Spoony hissed.

Linkara stiffened, but before she could do anything or think the Critic came in and started talking about taking over a micronation. Any freak outs had to be put on hold in the face of Critic’s stupidity.

After the surprisingly successful takeover, Spoony kept trying to corner her and _talk_ , eyes wide and hurt when she would make herself scarce and avoid him. As the days went on, Spoony got more twitchy and fragile looking, and Linkara felt guilty but she had the feeling that she knew what he was going to say, what he had wanted to say before being interrupted that day in the hotel, and she wasn’t going to have that conversation if she could help it.

Linkara couldn’t hold the denial forever, though, and it all came to a head eventually. Critic was mad with power and had to be taken down.

“That is a stupid plan!” Linkara protested. No one was listening to her. Why wouldn’t they listen to her? She was the one with experience with this stuff.

Spoony stared at them. The entire situation had shot his nerves to hell and back and then banished them to the Blagole. He looked like he’d break apart and shatter into a million pieces if anyone so much as touched him unexpectedly.

“I’ll do it,” Spoony said, staring straight at Linkara.

“What?” Linkara asked, surprised.

“I’ll summon him. But I…just promise me…” And then Spoony sucked in a sharp breath and turned to the curtains, trying to hide the worst of the transformation. He spasmed uncontrollably and folded in on himself. He screamed in pain and rage, and Linkara felt the color drain from her face. She’d assumed, after overhearing the Snob and Spoony’s reaction, but she hadn’t _known_ , hadn’t _wanted_ to know, and now her maybe-boyfriend was _torturing_ himself for their sake.

Linkara had to shut her eyes as the screams turned into familiar manic laughter.


	5. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlwaysAGirl!Linkara speaks to Insano before they go off to depose the Critic during Kickassia to make sure they're on the same page. They might or might not be.

“Guys, can you all leave for a minute? Insano and I need to have a talk,” Linkara said, staring at the still trembling mad scientist. Her voice was cold, and the others shot them worried looks but quickly made themselves scarce. The door shut with a click.  
  
“Hello, Linkara. It’s been so long since I’ve seen that pretty face of yours,” Insano giggled.   
  
“Insano. Can’t say I missed you,” Linkara said.  
  
“So rude. Why baby, I’m hurt. Can’t a guy miss a girl?” Insano asked mockingly, and Linkara froze.  
  
 _Linkara should have been surprised to see Spoony laying on her futon/couch, but it was much easier to roll with it.  
  
“Nice Darkseid impersonation there, Spoony,” Linkara said, toeing off her shoes and setting her purse on the doorside table.   
  
“Nice **legs** there, Linkara. I didn’t know you even owned a dress,” Spoony said. He didn’t bother to get up, just kind of stretched to look at her.  
  
Linkara rolled her eyes. “My parents had their anniversary lunch today and we went somewhere nice. Flannel button downs and an ugly brown coat are great for real life but not so much for the fine dining. If it’s distracting you from your sprawl I can go put pants on,”  
  
“Nah, I like it. Looks nice,” Spoony said.  
  
“So is there a **reason** you came all the way out here and invaded my home? Or did you just want to have a go at my awesome futon?”  
  
“Why baby, I’m hurt,” Spoony sighed, clutching his chest. “Can’t a guy just miss a girl?”  
  
“Yeah, maybe. Shove over,” Linkara said, standing over Spoony.  
  
“But I’m comfortable. Go find your own futon,”  
  
“That **is** my futon,” Linkara pointed out.  
  
“Oh yeah. I guess I can share,” Spoony sighed like it was such a heavy burden and scooted back and turned on his side, making room for the comic book reviewer.   
  
The second Linkara got comfortable, Spoony threw an arm around her and pulled her closer.  
  
“Did you just come here to snuggle, Spoony? Seriously?” Linkara asked in disbelief.   
  
“Hey, don’t knock the snuggling. Right now I’m horizontal with a cute girl, I’d say that’s a win,” Spoony said.   
  
“You’re ridiculous,” Linkara said, resting her forehead on Spoony’s shoulder. It was nice, in the chaos that was her life, to have moments like this with her best friend.   
  
“Took you this long to figure that out?” Spoony asked.   
  
“So are we napping or watching TV or what?” Linkara asked.   
  
“I was gonna go for a nap, but now I’ve got something else in mind,” Spoony said mildly.   
  
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”  
  
Spoony grinned and ran his hand up Linkara’s leg. “I think we should put that skirt of yours to good use,”   
  
Linkara laughed. “I missed you too,” _  
  
Linkara shook her head and glared at Insano. Now was not the time to get distracted.  
  
“They’re convinced we need you. I’m not. So don’t push your luck,” Linkara hissed.   
  
“Oh? Did I strike a _nerve_? How cute,” Insano said.   
  
“This is a temporary deal. Once the Critic is dealt with, you…” She had a hard time saying it. Hell, she had a hard time _accepting_ it. “you go back inside Spoony. Hopefully to never darken our doors again,”   
  
Insano stepped forward, hands outstretched. “I’m in a good mood, I’ll play along. Besides, overthrowing a country without you stopping me? It’s like Christmas come early, trust me,”   
  
“Good. Because I’ll be watching you,” Linkara said. She didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. Which was…actually pretty far, when she thought about it. There were perks to being a superhero.  
  
Insano grinned, invading her personal space. He still smelled like Spoony, and he ran a finger down the side of Linkara’s neck. She tried valiantly to suppress the shiver that ran through her body and the urge to lean into the touch. Funk and Wagnall, she thought, having an arch enemy who knew her buttons as well as Spoony did was going to be hard. Especially when he smelled looked and felt like Spoony behind the labcoat and goggles. Her body didn’t know which way to go.  
  
“And I,” Insano whispered gleefully in her ear, lips almost brushing skin, “will be watching _you_ ,”  
  
And then Insano was gone, humming as he waltzed out of the hotel room, leaving behind a very confused Linkara.


	6. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Insano v. Critic, AlwaysAGirl!Linkara and Insano have a serious discussion about identity and Spoony gets better. But not before Insano confuses Linkara even more.

Linkara sighed. “I told you all this wouldn’t work. But nooooo let’s not listen to the girl who’s fought Insano a million times,”   
  
“It almost worked,” Angry Joe protested.   
  
“Keyword there being almost,” Linkara said.  
  
Insano scowled from where he was laid up in the bed.  
  
“I _had_ him,” Insano said. He tried to sit up but stopped midway with a groan and a wince.  
  
“Do you need more ice? Aspirin?” Linkara asked.   
  
“Your concern is touching, really,” Insano said.  
  
“I’m not concerned about _you_ asshole,” Linkara hissed.  
  
“Playing nursemaid won’t bring Spoony back. Though if you wanted to dress up I wouldn’t say no. Every Doctor needs a Nurse,” Insano said, waggling his eyebrows.  
  
Linkara made a squeaking noise and barely restrained herself from punching him.   
  
“What is _with_ you lately?” Insano had never been like that before. In fact, he’d been almost respectful of the fact that she was a woman. The switch was disorienting especially when added on top of everything else.  
  
Insano rolled his eyes. “I’m Doctor fucking Insano and it throws you off your game. I like watching you squirm and this is the most fun I’ve had in a long time,”  
  
“It’s low, using this against me. I’d expect this from Mechakara but not you, Insano,”  
  
Insano grabbed her, pulling her down to look him in the goggles. Everyone in the room tensed. Linkara could see some of the others shifting like they were getting ready to interfere. Linkara held up her free hand to stop them.  
  
“Don’t you _ever_ compare me to that failure of science again,” Insano hissed.  
  
Linkara just raised an eyebrow at him, and he let her go with a disgusted shove.  
  
“I’m going to sleep now, you can all go away,” Insano said to the room at large.   
  
There was a moment of hesitation. No one wanted to leave a mad genius alone, injured though he may be.  
  
“I’ll watch him.” Linkara said. “I doubt he’s capable of doing anything and I need to think of a battle strategy,”   
  
They nodded and left, and Marzgurl gave Linkara a knowing look as she shut the door that Linkara firmly ignored. She settled on the second bed and began to think of a plan. A half hour later she was distracted from her thoughts by a pained groan. She looked over to see Insano wide awake.  
  
“Is that offer of painkillers still on the table?” Insano asked.  
  
“Yeah, of course,” Linkara got up, rummaging through her things and pulling out a bottle.  
  
“Do you need help?” Linkara asked.  
  
“Just hand me the water bottle,” Insano said. He obviously hated being injured.   
  
“Force lightning sure packs a wallop,” Linkara said, sitting on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle Insano too hard.  
  
“That’s the power of science,” Insano muttered, taking the pills gratefully.  
Insano sighed and Linkara took the water bottle and pills back, setting them on the bedside table.  
  
“You told the Critic to shoot me,” Insano said.  
  
“I was stalling,” Linkara muttered.  
  
“I’m impressed. You didn’t even hesitate over losing Spoony. Or are you still in denial?” Insano asked.   
  
Linkara didn’t say anything, and Insano laughed harshly. He reached up and took off his goggles, shoving them up and away. Spoony’s face stared up at her, smiling cruelly. Linkara had to look away.  
  
“I thought so,” Insano said smugly, rolling over and ending the conversation.   
  
“You’re not him,” Linkara said eventually.   
  
Insano snorted. “Could have fooled me! I guess that lab in Spoony’s basement is his then?”   
Suddenly Spoony being cagey about her going into the basement made much more sense than the reasons he’d listed off.   
  
“You’re not him,” Linkara repeated firmly.   
  
Insano began giggling so hard his high pitched laugh shook the mattress.   
  
“Oh you really _are_ in deep, aren’t you. I suppose it’s sweet in a naïve way. ‘Oh, Spoony could never go insane! He’s never lost his mind ranting before and he’s certainly not on any drugs for it! And he could definitely never hurt anyone, Burton’s death ray and the gunblade are just for show!’ Good god, you saw the transformation with your own eyes! It’s disgusting,” Insano said, rolling back over.   
  
Linkara clenched her fists, staring down at the covers. Why couldn’t Insano just let her have this? He’d been evil, of course, and insane, but never this deliberately cruel to her before.   
Insano smirked, and suddenly he sat up and grabbed her chin.  
  
“Let me convince you,” Insano said.  
  
Linkara hadn’t braced herself for the kiss, hadn’t thought Insano would do that despite the way he’d been teasing her.   
  
Insano’s grip lightened to something much softer, and he kissed her like she was special, like he _cared_ about her. The rational part of Linkara’s brain was rapidly being silenced by the feel of his lips against hers. She should be punching him. Why wasn’t she punching him?  
When she closed her eyes it felt like being back on Spoony’s couch the first time.  
  
“Oh god,” Linkara gasped when Insano pulled away. He didn’t go far, lips trailing across her cheek to her ear. His hands were wandering too, sliding under her coat and shirt to touch skin and those were _Spoony’s_ familiar fingers, calloused from years of videogames.  
  
“Convinced yet? Or do you need _more_?” Insano asked. His voice was lower and Linkara had to bite back a whimper. That voice was recognizably Spoony’s and all she wanted was to let herself forget that this entire disaster of a takeover and everything that had come out of it had ever happened. She couldn’t make herself move, not with those hands on her and that voice in her ear.  
  
Insano chuckled darkly and kissed her again, harder this time, the kind of kiss that happened when she and Spoony hadn’t seen each other in a long time, possessive and a little desperate. Insano pressed closer and it was all so familiar and Linkara was so stressed that she felt herself giving in.  
  
Insano pulled away again, further this time, and licked his lips with a grin.   
  
“Do you get it now?” He asked, voice gentle and for once not outright mocking her.  
  
“Yes,” Linkara said weakly.   
  
“Good. Because as much fun as that was, I am _sick_ of being injured. Spoony can deal with this shit because I am _done_ ,” Insano hissed in pain.  
  
Linkara blinked, feeling drained and fragile herself and she hadn’t even been hit by force lightning or gotten into a fistfight but it felt like she had. She watched as Spoony came back and Insano retreated. It wasn’t nearly as horrifying or violent as Insano’s arrival had been.   
  
“Oh god,” Spoony groaned as soon as he was aware and in control. “I feel like a puppy that’s been raped by a bulldozer,”   
  
Linkara laughed, couldn’t help herself, and if she sounded hysterical to her own ears than what did she sound like to Spoony?   
  
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. No need for tears, right?” Spoony said, pulling her into a hug. What was he talking about? Linkara reached up to feel her face and was surprised to feel dampness. She laughed harder before descending into full on tears.   
  
“You’ve had a bad couple of days I take it?” Spoony asked, trying to keep his voice light.  
  
“You have no idea,” Linkara said into his chest between sobs.  
  
“I kind of do? But it’s all fuzzy. Did the Critic really kill Santa Christ?” Spoony asked, running his fingers through Linkara’s hair.  
  
Linkara snorted. “Yeah. It was terrible. And Insano was an asshole and Joe’s finally given me the command which is what I wanted but what if I fail and I made out with my arch enemy and my boyfriend wasn’t here because his alter ego _is_ my arch enemy and my watch keeps saying it’s nearly Miller Time again and I still have to come up with a plan to take down the Critic and I don’t know where my hat went!” Apparently once she got started she couldn’t stop. On the plus side, the tears had mostly stopped.  
  
“And there it is,” Spoony said calmly.   
  
“What?” Linkara asked.   
  
“The super-hero breakdown I’ve been expecting since I met you, dude,” Spoony said.   
  
Linkara laughed and wiped at her face. “I’m a clichéd mess,”   
  
Spoony shrugged. “Aren’t we all?”   
  
He reached down off the side of the bed and picked something up. It was her hat. When had her hat fallen off and how did it get on the floor. He put it on her head, carefully straightening it.   
  
“There. Feel better?” He asked.   
  
“Yes,” She said. God it was good to have Spoony back again.   
  
“Good. Now, what was that bit about you making out with your arch enemy?” Spoony asked with an eyebrow waggle.   
  
Linkara groaned and pulled her hat down to hide her face.   
  
“Relax,” Spoony said, grinning. “I remember that bit clearly. I’m just messing with you,”  
  
“I hate you,” Linkara said.   
  
“Nah,” Spoony said and kissed her cheek. “You really don’t. Now tell me your brilliant strategy to defeat the Critic,”


	7. After The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlwaysAGirl!Linkara and Spoony drag everything out into the open after returning Molossia to its rightful leader.

At first, she was just relieved to have him back. That feeling carried her about as far as giving Molossia back to its rightful leader. As they made their way back to the hotel, she started really thinking about the entire situation in a way she hadn’t let herself before, when everything was in chaos and she was still trying to cling to denial. And she got angry. Angrier than she’d ever been in her life. It bubbled and burned under her skin and in her stomach, and by the time they actually _got_ to the hotel everyone was giving her a five foot radius.  
  
“Hey, uh, guys? You should probably get…anywhere but here,” Spoony said quietly, “I’ve got this,”   
  
Everyone else was gone like a shot, wanting nothing to do with a pissed off magician, leaving Spoony and Linkara alone in the room.   
  
“Got something you want to say?” Spoony asked.  
  
Linkara stopped her pacing and turned around slowly to face Spoony. Had he been a lesser man, he’d probably have fled. But _oh_ he had _practice_ facing down an angry Linkara and not backing down, didn’t he?  
  
“ _Me_?” She said incredulously. “Really? Don’t _you_ have something you want to say?”   
  
She watched as Spoony closed his eyes and sighed. “I tried. All day, every day. You wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t even _look_ at me,”   
  
Her mind flashed back, conjuring up the image of Spoony, pale and with a tremble to his hands, trying to force a hopeful smile while his eyes held nothing but fear and resignation. She shoved the image away.  
  
“All day, every day for the two years we’ve known each other? I’m impressed. Or maybe you mean just the year we’ve been sleeping together,” Linkara said.  
  
Spoony stared at her, defiant. “Yeah, I should have told you. I really should have and I was a bastard for not saying anything. But Christ, Linkara, _everyone_ else figured it out, how did you _not_ know?”   
  
“I…” Linkara couldn’t think of a defense. It wasn’t like the clues weren’t there. The locked basement, Insano showing up when she’d been out of town and he shouldn’t have known where she was and Spoony disappearing, the fact that Insano _looked like Spoony in a pair of ridiculous goggles_. It was obvious. And she hadn’t seen it. Or maybe she _had_ seen it and had just been ignoring it that hard…   
  
“ _This isn’t about that_!” Linkara hissed. “I had to find out from the _Cinema Snob_! Actually, no. I had to find out by _overhearing_ the Cinema Snob. What the hell, Spoony,”   
  
“Yeah, I bet that sucked,” Spoony said.   
  
“Oh you have _no_ idea. How do you think it feels, finding out that it’s been your _boyfriend_ trying to kill you and take over the world the entire time, and that he’d been keeping it a secret?” Linkara said.   
  
Spoony gave her a look of exaggerated surprise. “So now I’m your boyfriend, am I? Since _when_? Because I _vividly_ remember you telling me not make things weird and then running off to be with the girls with even less care than a ‘here’s a twenty for the cab ride back, show yourself out’”   
  
“…You never said anything,” Linkara said quietly, her anger cooling rapidly. They’d been…whatever they were for a year. Had Spoony really been holding that in the entire time?  
Spoony shrugged.   
  
“Why would I? That would just make things _weird_ , wouldn’t it?” He said, pointed and vicious.   
  
Linkara felt helpless. When had this conversation turned on her?  
  
“No! I am _not_ the bad guy here. I was your friend. If you had issues you should have _told me_. Just like you should have told me that you were my freaking _arch enemy_ ,”  
  
“What do you want from me, Linkara? ‘Cause I’m honestly fucking lost. I’m sorry, okay? I’m god damn _sorry_. I should have told you. I was wrong. Do you want me to get down on my fucking knees? I would, but they’re still a little sore from the royal _ass kicking_ I took for you bastards, so you’ll just have to wait if that’s what you want,” Spoony said, frustration and anger in his voice and body language.   
  
“Just _say_ it. Say it to my face,” Linkara said, her fists clenched at her sides. She could feel the magic sparking under her skin in response to her anger.  
  
“That’s what you want? _That’s_ what’s going to make you feel better?” Spoony asked in disbelief.   
  
“SAY IT!” Linkara yelled, eyes shut tight. “You’ve waited two years, here’s your chance!”  
  
Spoony sighed and walked closer. He tapped her chin, forcing Linkara to look at him.   
  
“Linkara, there’s something I need to tell you,” He said solemnly. “ _I’m_ Doctor Insano.   
He’s a part of me, of who I _am_. I love you and I’m sorry,”   
  
This was what it took to get him to say that to her, Linkara thought idly, confessing that he had an alternate personality that frequently tried to kill her. Clearly the two of them were too socially awkward to actually be in relationships, let alone with each other.   
  
“And there’s something I need to tell _you_ ,” Linkara said. “You may be the guy I love half the time and my arch enemy the other half, but me?” She could feel the magic gathering in anticipation of the spell’s final words. “I AM A MAN!”  
  
Nobody said anything when the two of them came down to dinner that night and Spoony had a new black eye. Probably that was because they were holding hands and were joking with each other again and no one wanted to risk ruining it.   
  
“So…we’re kind of _actually_ dating now?” Spoony said to the dinner table.   
  
There was some applause, some eye rolling, at least one muttered ‘FINALLY!’, the changing hands of at least $20 in payment of a bet, and Sage mimed wiping away tears of joy.   
  
Later, Marzgurl pulled Linkara aside.   
  
“So everything’s really okay? You were pretty angry, and there was a _lot_ of yelling,”  
  
Linkara smiled and looked over at Spoony, who was laughing and looked much better than he had the entire time they’d been in Nevada, even with the black eye.  
  
“We worked everything out. I really think things are going to be okay,”


	8. The Case For Science

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insano tries to tempt AlwaysAGirl!Linkara to the side of SCIENCE.

Insano had Linkara pinned against a concrete wall.   
  
“We’re not so different, really, Spoony and I,” Insano grinned. “We like the same foods, generally agree on movies. We both hate Final Fantasy VIII and like the smell of vanilla and sugar…”  
  
‘Vanilla and sugar?’ Linkara thought, ‘What does that have to do with…Oh,’   
  
Her _body lotion_ was vanilla sugar scented, and she’d chosen her conditioner because it smelled like frosting. Was that what he meant? Insano was still rambling, leaving the stunned heroine to wonder if he was even aware of what he’d just given away.  
  
“Of course, he never had to work in science class. And why should he, when he knew more than all the teachers combined without even trying? But Spoony’s not the only one who knows more about _science_ than they let on. You’ve been a _naughty girl_ , Linkara, meddling in forces you don’t understand. I know about your little robot friend and I must say I’m genuinely impressed. Didn’t think you had the _science_ in you,” Insano said, those damn disconcerting goggles staring her in the eyes.  
  
“Fully functional Artificial Intelligence, _personality_ , a weapons system,” Insano ticked off, “and all with no formal training…Amazing,” he breathed.   
  
He leaned closer, speaking into her ear, against her cheek, a millimeter away from her lips.  
  
“You could be great. I could _make_ you great. A little direction, some molding under my hands and oh, what _beautiful_ results. And you know I’m right. You’ve met alternate versions of yourself who accepted _science_ and became great. Picture it: the rush of creating and testing something of your own. And when it _works_ … You could have that. I can _give_ you that. And all you have to do is say the word,”   
  
Linkara shut her eyes tightly. Insano was so close, too close. She couldn’t think, could feel his breath and the heat of him against her and for a wild moment she considered his offer.  
  
“No,” She said eventually, managing to twist enough to get her gun and shove the barrel against Insano’s ribs. “I allied myself with magic a _long_ time ago. Pollo was a fluke,”  
  
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” Insano said.  
  
Linkara took a deep breath.  
  
“Believe me, I do,”


	9. The Scare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlwaysAGirl!Linkara and Spoony find themselves in a very delicate situation that many couples find themselves in and await the results of a very important test.

Linkara stared at the phone in her hand, trying to force herself to dial. God, how messed up was she that she couldn’t even call her boyfriend over something this important? She’d tried three times already and failed spectacularly. Harvey had taken 90s Kid out, and Ninja Style Dancer was off…battling that pirate captain or whatever it was he did when he wasn’t around, so at least no one was here to see her break down. Again. Boy had _that_ been embarrassing, crying her eyes out on the futon only to have 90s Kid come out and try to awkwardly comfort her. Eventually he’d run out of ideas and had to resort to calling Harvey home from the Palace.   
  
It had felt like running to daddy when Harvey had sat next to her all calm authority and sighed, pulling her into a hug, and she’d felt useless and small but calmed down enough to explain the situation into his shirt.  
  
“I figured,” Harvey had said, smoothing down her hair. “You’re not the first dame to get herself in trouble and cry to old Harvey. I recognized the look,”   
  
And then he’d just sat with her for a while, gently encouraging her to call Spoony before offering to go to the drug store for her.   
  
The bag’s sat untouched in her bathroom since then.   
  
“Okay. I can do this. It’s only Spoony,” she said, taking a deep breath, closing her eyes, and hitting the speed dial.   
  
“Hey, babe,” Spoony greeted.  
  
“Hey. Is this a good time?” she asked.   
  
“Yeah, sure. I’m just doing some scripting,”   
  
“So I have something I need to tell you,” Linkara said.   
  
“Ho boy. Last time either of said that to each other it ended in me getting punched in the soul for being a secret mad scientist,” Spoony said.   
  
“I’d, uh, actually rather have this conversation in person?” Linkara said. “But I don’t think teleporting out there is a good idea. I don’t…know what that would do,”   
  
And there went her calm façade, her voice breaking and breath shakey.   
  
“…Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Spoony said. Linkara could hear rifling and shuffling noises, like Spoony was searching for something.   
  
“I don’t know. Probably? I’m just…really confused and stressed and freaked out and I kind of need to see my boyfriend, please,” Linkara said, and her eyes were starting to well up again. She hadn’t cried this much in years.   
  
“Aha!” Spoony crowed “Found you, you fucker. I’ll be there in a minute, okay Linkara?”   
  
And then he hung up on her, the asshole, leaving her staring at the phone in confusion. How exactly did he plan on being there ‘in a minute’? Arizona wasn’t exactly next door and _he_ didn’t have magic. A few moments later there was a flash of light and standing in the middle of it was a wincing Spoony.   
  
“Worst way to travel,” he muttered, sliding something metal into his pocket.   
  
“What,” Linkara said flatly.   
  
“Oh hi, Linkara,” Spoony said with a grin. “Guess what? My- I mean- _Insano’s_ personal teleporter works!”  
  
“What?” Linkara asked. When had Insano invented a _personal teleporter_?  
  
“Just roll with it. So, you wanted to talk?” Spoony said, sitting down on the futon next to her.   
  
Everything she’d managed to forget in the distraction caused by SCIENCE came crashing back.  
  
“Yeah. How to say this? Remember the last time I came to visit you for the weekend? With the shower?” Linkara asked.  
  
“Fondly. Why?” Spoony asked, confused.   
  
“And how we were _god damn stupid_ and didn’t use a condom?” Linkara asked pointedly.   
  
It took Spoony a second, but it clicked. His eyes widened and he leaned back against the futon.  
  
“Oh. Oh man. So _that’s_ why you sounded so terrible on the phone, you’re…Are you sure?”   
  
Linkara gave a small hysterical laugh. “Glad I’m not the only one freaking out about this. But no, I’m not sure. I mean, things haven’t happened that should have and I’ve felt like crap but I haven’t actually taken the test yet. I’ve been…putting it off, I guess. Until I could work up enough courage to have you here,”   
  
“For moral support. Yeah. Do you have a test? Or are we going to have to go get one?” He looked like he’d been hit by a truck.  
  
“Harvey actually went and got me a couple. That was after my second break down,” Linkara said sheepishly.   
  
“Good. Okay. I’m here for moral support while you do this, right? So this is me being supportive: Go take the test,” Spoony said.  
  
Linkara nodded. There was no more putting it off. It was time to find out if there was going to be a little Spoony or Linkara running around.   
  
The test seemed like it was taking forever.   
  
“Oh god, what if I _am_ pregnant? How am I going to provide for a baby? I review comics for a living with the occasional shift at the book store! You live in _another state_ and it’s not safe! What about Linksano and Mechakara and Insano and I’m not _old_ enough to have a baby, I'm only 23!” Linkara fretted.  
  
Spoony held Linkara’s hand tight. “We are both totally mature adults and can handle this. On the plus side, I doubt Insano would be a problem. Worst he’d do is try to teach the baby to love SCIENCE. I mean, it would be his DNA and all,”   
  
“Small victories, I guess,” Linkara said.   
  
Then the timer went off and Spoony squeezed Linkara’s hand.   
  
“So…ready?” he asked.  
  
“No. You look, I can’t,” she said.   
  
Spoony shrugged and looked at the test, Linkara watching like a very tense hawk. Spoony wasn’t reacting at all and that just made her even more tense. He came back and kissed her forehead.   
  
“Congratulations, you are _not_ going to have a baby,” He said, grinning.   
  
Linkara sagged with relief, laughing.  
  
“Oh thank God,” she said, hugging him.  
  
“It’s kind of a shame, though,” Spoony said idly.  
  
“Really?” Linkara asked.   
  
“Well yeah. Our kid would be fucking adorable and now the world is deprived of that. And that’s sad,” Spoony said.   
  
Linkara laughed but imagined a chubby little toddler with blue-green eyes and dark hair, with her nose and Spoony’s smile and felt her heart clench.  
  
“Yeah, adorable,” She said quietly.  
  
“Maybe some other time,” Spoony shrugged.  
  
“Do you…want kids? Someday, I mean. Not…now,” Linkara asked. The subject hadn’t really come up before.   
  
“Sure, eventually. Though I _am_ getting up there in years. Don’t know how well I’d keep up with a kid,” Spoony said lightly.   
  
“You’re only 30,” Linkara pointed out.   
  
“Don’t remind me,” Spoony said, making a face.   
  
“Come on, old man. I’m suddenly starving,” Linkara said.   
  
Spoony followed her into the kitchen. Her thoughts were still on the imaginary toddler as they ate, and she had to wonder if maybe having a kid would be so bad after all. Someday.


	10. Metal and Magnets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insano's not too happy with Mechakara. Mechakara...well, she has to find a way to deal with that before Insano uses the magnets again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What counts as character death for a robot who will be brought back later by hypertime fuckery? Probably this.

Mechakara’s circuits flared to life and for one brief moment while her programming started up, she didn’t know where she was. That was solved quickly by the high pitched giggle somewhere to her right.   
  
“Doctor Insano. Good. I…”   
  
Pain. There was nothing but _pain_ as her metal insides tried to rip their way through the delicate shell of skin and her mind went blank, unable to process anything, even the pain. And then it stopped.   
  
“Oh dear. I seem to have let my finger slip. Those death magnets are dangerous, even on their lowest setting. How are you feeling?” Insano asked, voice light and uncaring.   
  
Mechakara barely heard him, desperately trying to regain function in her neural circuitry.   
  
“Why?” She asked, her true robotic voice underlying Linkara’s female, _human_ speech.  
  
“It’s very simple. You made me cut my _hair_!”  
  
Another, worse pulling erasing sensation and Mechakara laid limp on the lab table. It took longer to restart this time, and Mechakara calculated her chances of surviving even just one more run through with those magnets at less than 30%. She needed a distraction or some way to convince Insano _not_ to press that button again.  
  
Something about Insano’s reasoning was flawed. Not that Insano was ever logical to begin with. He seemed to bend Science to his whims and not the other way around...And there it was. Some leap had brought her to the flaw. Insano was not that vain. He would go days without shaving while he experimented. A simple haircut, no matter how forced it had been, should not have set him off like this.  
  
The only other thing Mechakara had done, though, was observe and attack her former mistress…  
  
Mechakara ran the numbers. 45% chance Insano was just staking a claim over ‘his’ arch enemy. 30% chance Spoony was bleeding through and he was actually _protective_ of Linkara.   
  
5% chance he was telling the truth about the hair and…that didn’t add up, even allowing for a margin of error for human unpredictability. Mechakara’s functions must be even more impaired than she thought. She only had once chance to get this right.  
  
“Insano, please,” She whimpered, letting the red light behind her human eyes dim and the robotic undercurrent to her voice be silent, leaving behind only the image of Insano’s nemesis, bound and helpless and begging him for mercy.  
  
Insano smiled down at her and touched Mechakara’s face lightly. Mechakara forced herself to lean into the touch, burying her disgust. She was patient. She could wait for the most advantageous moment.  
  
Insano pressed his lips to Mechakara’s softly, still smiling. It was unsettling. Mechakara couldn’t extrapolate what he was thinking when he looked at her like that.   
  
“Oh you poor, defective thing,” Insano breathed against her, voice full of _pity_ that just fuelled Mechakara’s hate. “I bet you burned yourself out making that conclusion.   
Unfortunately…all that leaves behind is _scrap metal_ ,” he said viciously, slamming down on the button again.  
  
Mechakara screamed, feeling her circuits fry and metal shift under the magnetic force. And then nothing as she was forcibly shut down.


	11. Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlwaysAGirl!Linkara gets some revenge for all the mindfuckery that Insano likes to pull by doing some herself.

Linkara shifted uncomfortably, checking again to make sure that her skirt was arranged properly and not showing off anything she didn’t want seen. This whole situation was kind of uncomfortable, though, and she felt guilty for a second before she realized that she was allowed to use whatever weapons she had to take down Insano. He was getting too sure of himself, too over-confident, and Linkara was going to use that against him.   
  
She wasn’t going to pull any punches because he never had.   
  
Linkara shoved open the door to Insano’s lab. Insano looked up from the ray gun he was working on at the loud noise it produced. When he saw Linkara, he tilted his head in confusion and leaned forward a little to get a better look at her.   
  
“What in the name of Science are you _wearing_?” He asked incredulously, eyes stuck moving between her button-down top which was carefully _un_ buttoned enough to show off her red lacey bra, the short skirt, or the strappy heels. Preferably they’d have been higher, but Linkara wasn’t going to give up _all_ functionality in her clothes, not even for this.   
  
“Don’t you like it?” She pouted. “I was thinking about making a costume change. Figured I’d ask your opinion,”   
  
Insano shook his head to clear it. “Well _actually_ …Wait. What’s your game, hero?” He asked, suspicious. “That kind of get up is everything you hate,”   
  
Linkara laughed and walked over slowly to disguise that fact that if she went any faster she’d probably trip because of the heels.   
  
“I only hate it if it’s not appropriate in context,” She said.   
  
“And this is an appropriate context?” Insano asked, raising an eyebrow.   
  
“Yep,” Linkara said, hoping up onto Insano’s work table next to him and grinning as Insano stared at her legs when she stretched them out. “You see, Doctor, I realized something last night. You haven’t been fighting fair. So I’m going to even the playing field,”   
  
“Oh do enlighten me. I thought I’d been very fair,” Insano said, meeting her eyes.  
  
Linkara leaned over, giving Insano a clear view down her shirt, and gently took Insano’s goggles off. He was staring, and Linkara grinned in victory. Spoony always had liked the red bra best.   
  
“You’ve been using Spoony and I’s relationship against me,” Linkara said, voice low and trailing a finger down Insano’s chest. “So I figured it was time to turn the tables. You keep saying you and Spoony are the same? Well then it’s high time you did your boyfriendly duties,”  
  
With one hand she forcefully pulled Insano into a deep kiss, and Insano went along with it as easily as Spoony would have. It was familiar and warm and Linkara let herself get caught up in it for a moment. Insano’s hands trailed up her thigh, her skirt riding up a little, and she smacked them sharply, the sound echoing in the lab. Insano stared at her in shock.  
  
“No. You have to _earn_ that. You’ve been bad, Doctor, and I don’t think you deserve it just yet,” She said sternly, and Linkara saw his breath catch and felt his fingers clench. Perfect. She hadn’t been 100% sure, but this proved her theory. She smiled sweetly and slid his hands down to her knees. “I’m willing to be convinced, though. Show me how well behaved you can be,”   
  
Insano swallowed hard and nodded before kissing her again, sweet and eager to please. She bit down on his lower lip and he moaned. His fingers twitched but stayed obediently put. Linkara had been low-level turned on all day just thinking about the plan, and now she was considering forgetting about it and just continuing down this road, pushing Insano to his knees and ordering him show off that anatomy knowledge of his. And he’d do it, because if there was one thing Spoony liked, it was a commanding lady who wasn’t afraid to hurt him. And deep down…well, Insano kept saying it himself. They were the same.   
  
Linkara brought her thoughts back to the task at hand, wrapping a hand in Insano’s hair and pulling, kissing him harder.  
  
While he was being distracted she reached over with her other hand and picked up the ray gun Insano had been working on when she came in and smashed it hard against the table, breaking all the fragile little pieces that hadn’t been completed and protected yet.   
  
Insano pulled away with a glare at the noise and tried to assess the damage while keeping a watchful eye on Linkara. “Vile, Science-destroying temptress!”  
  
Linkara laughed. “You may be a mad scientist and an alternate personality of my boyfriend, but _I_ am a woman,” She kissed him lightly. “You’re not the only one who can manipulate kinks, you know,”   
  
Linkara carefully lowered herself off the table and sauntered out of the lab, buttoning up her shirt properly and smoothing down her skirt as she left, leaving behind a fuming and frustrated Insano.


	12. The Life and Times and Olivia Schlumper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few of the major events in the life of Girlkara-verse's Dr. Linksano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of 3 Linksano-centric chapters

Olivia Schlumper was weak. An insecure little girl clinging to her brother and a hopeless crush. And that was why she had to go. Olivia took everything weak about her and locked it away, gave up on hope for _relationships_ and _love_. She threw herself into Science with a fervor only her brother understood. He understood because he was right next to her in the lab, doing the exact same thing. Who needed blonde cheerleaders when they had Science?   
  
She might have started as Olivia, but only Linksano remained.   
  
  
“You have to go,” Insano said.  
  
“What? No! I won’t let you face this alone,” Linksano protested.  
  
“I can’t work with you here!” Insano said.  
  
“You’ve never had a problem before,” Linksano said, wounded.  
  
“There wasn’t an evil overlord breathing down our necks before!”   
  
“I can help, you _know_ I can,” Linksano said. She couldn’t understand why her brother was acting like this. She was as smart as he was, and he knew it. He’d never pushed her away before, not even when they were both in love with the same girl.   
  
“Damn it, Olivia!” Insano snapped, yelling. His voice echoed through the lab. “What exactly do you think evil overlords _do_ to female enemies?”   
  
Linksano glared. “ _Don’t_ call me that, _Wayne_. And I can take care of myself!”  
  
Insano took her hand. “Please. I need to know that you’re safe if I’m going to be able to do this,”  
  
“So you’re just going to throw me to the wilds of Hypertime instead?” Linksano asked, but her resolve was crumbling.  
  
“You can take care of yourself, remember?” he said, smiling weakly.   
  
“…I _am_ curious about other dimensions,” Linksano said.  
  
“Thank you,” Insano said, sagging in relief.   
  
“I’m going to learn everything there is to learn and come back even sciencier than you,” Linksano warned.  
  
“I expect nothing less. And when you come back, we’ll have an epic battle of Science to prove who the smarter Schlumper Sibling truly is,” Insano said.   
  
  
Linksano tried not to tremble when the Shades brought her in front of Vyce. She really hoped that Linkara knew what she was doing, because staring up at Vyce from where the Shades had shoved her to her knees was the single most terrifying experience she’d ever had, beating out confessing to Spoonette by a long shot.   
  
“I hear you are a competent scientist,” Vyce said.  
  
“I am _more_ than competent, my Lord,” Linksano boasted. It was ridiculous. She was still kneeling, and the honorific nearly stuck in her throat. Oh, she was going to make Linkara pay for this. Never mind that it had been her own idea.   
  
“We shall see. I have a task for you,” Vyce motioned with a clawed glove, and two Shades wheeled in a gurney covered with a sheet.  
  
“How do you feel about robots, Doctor?” Vyce asked, dropping a heavy hand onto her shoulder.   
  
“Oh, I _love_ them,” Linksano breathed, eyeing the table with genuine interest. May her brother forgive her.   
  
“Good,” Vyce said, and pulled her up to stand. He wasn’t gentle about it, and led her forcibly to the table. “I expect good work from you,”


	13. The Life of a Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three moments that AlwaysAGirl!Linksano has aboard Vyce's ship

Vyce was surprisingly nice for an evil overlord who conquered dimensions. And by nice, of course, Linksano meant generous with supplies for Science. Whatever she needed to complete her assignment was hers, all she needed to do was ask. Being given unlimited resources was mind-boggling, she hardly knew where to _start_ so many ideas for experiments floated through her head. Obviously she had to work on the robot, the one with the disturbingly familiar face stretched over its metal body, but that was no chore. It was _fascinating_. So intricate, and the way the flesh was connected to the robot’s circuitry…Linksano could hardly believe how well integrated it was. Her brother couldn’t possibly hold it against her, that she was working for Vyce. Not if he saw this robot. And yes, she was technically a spy, but she was still doing what Vyce wanted her to do. She was still helping him, even as her brother tried to keep their universe alive.   
  
But he couldn’t be angry at her. Because this was Science, and that mattered more than anything. He’d understand. He had to.   
  
  
  
Linksano was woken violently by being yanked out of bed. She tried to scream but a clothed hand was clamped over her mouth. Struggling wasn’t doing any good, just caused her captors to grip her more tightly.   
  
She forced herself to stop panicking, and she realized that it was only Shades that had grabbed her, not some amorphous monster from her nightmares. She stopped struggling but remained tense as the Shades dragged her through the corridors of the ship. Shades taking her from her bed in the middle of the night wasn’t much of an improvement over her nightmares, to be honest.   
They were taking her down hallways she didn’t even know existed before then, and that could only be a bad thing.   
  
“Where are you taking me? Unhand me, damn it, I can walk by myself!” Linksano protested.   
  
The Shades ignored her. Eventually they stopped in front of a door, and it opened with a hiss. The Shades shoved her inside and she glared at them as the door shut behind her.   
  
“Doctor,” A low voice said behind her.   
  
Linksano whirled around. “Lord Vyce! I…”  
  
This was clearly Vyce’s personal quarters, despite its spartan appearance. It felt different than any of the other rooms, like it was separate. The air didn’t feel the same, and neither did the lights.   
  
“Sit,” he said motioning to a chair. “It’s time we talked,”   
  
Linksano did as she was ordered, crossing her arms in front of her chest. The shades had caught her in her pajamas, and there had been not been time nor the opportunity to grab her goggles. She felt naked without them.   
  
“You don’t come from this universe,” Vyce said. He wasn’t facing her, and Linksano watched as he removed his clawed gloves.   
  
“That’s right,” Linksano said, uncomfortable. She didn’t want Vyce asking anything about her home or past. She didn’t want to draw attention to her home world.   
  
Vyce reached up and removed his helmet, setting it on the nearby table. He looked over his shoulder at her. His skin was faintly purple, and his eyes pitch black. His hair was cut short, probably to fit better under his helmet Linksano thought, and his face was scarred. He was not handsome by any means, a true warrior, but he wasn’t exactly ugly, either.   
  
“You come from one of mine,” Vyce said.   
  
“It’s possible,” Linksano deflected. “I left my universe a long time ago,”   
  
“I’m sure of it,” Vyce said. “I can smell it on you,”  
  
“Oh,” Linksano said. That was…mildly distressing.  
  
“You’ve done good work so far, Doctor,” Vyce said, “You deserve a reward. Would you like to contact your universe? I could arrange a visit, once you’ve made the robot operational,”   
  
Linksano desperately wished that she had her goggles. She was certain that everything she was feeling was showing on her face. Being able to go home…to hug her brother again and stand in their lab and maybe even run into Spoonette…Hell, even just calling and hearing his voice again.  
  
“No,” Linksano muttered, not meeting Vyce’s steady gaze. “There’s no one and nothing there for me anymore,”  
  
“If you’re certain,” Vyce said, rubbing and stretching his neck. The helmet must be heavy, and he wore it for most of the day, whenever he was outside of the chambers that apparently had the same properties as his home universe.  
  
Linksano nodded, and silently hoped that her brother was grateful that she was keeping him safe.  
  
  
  
Linksano gasped desperately for breath, clawing uselessly at the glove around her throat. Vyce actually _lifted_ her off the ground with his one hand, and she could tell that he was so angry beneath his helmet, could practically see his black eyes burning through her.   
  
“You have _failed_ me, doctor. The champion was still able to destroy the android despite your efforts. What do you have to say for yourself?” Vyce growled.  
  
“You see…I… _please_ , Lord!” Linksano pleaded, only able to force out a few words. She was starting to get light headed, sparks dancing in front of her eyes. Vyce squeezed tighter.   
  
Linksano felt heavy and light at the same time, and her brain was clouding over with euphoria induced by oxygen deprivation.   
  
“If I let you live, I trust you will do better next time?” Vyce asked, loosening his grip a fraction to allow a response.  
  
Linksano nodded, as well as she could. “Yes, yes please, I…”   
  
Linksano hit the ground hard, legs and arms landing any which way. She tried to catch her breath, weakly touching her throat.  
  
Vyce loomed over her, and Linksano stared up at him eyes wide behind her goggles, mind still whirling with fear and the deprivation and then sudden flood of oxygen. What was he going to do to her? Oh god, her brother had been right and she never should have gotten herself involved in all this. If she survived she was going to kill Linkara just for this.   
  
“Do _not_ disappoint me again,” Vyce said.   
  
“No my Lord, never,” Linksano rasped, not taking her eyes off Vyce.  
  
“Get back to work,” Vyce said, and left her there on the floor.  
  
“As soon as I can stand,” Linksano muttered, letting herself lay there for a while.


	14. Scrunchies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoonette comes across a crying Olivia Schlumper in the bathroom at school one day.

Spoonette looked suspiciously at the jocks hovering around the girls’ bathroom, trying to look inconspicuous, and raised an eyebrow at them.  
  
“Don’t you pervs have better things to do than hang out trying to listen to girls go to bathroom?” She asked, disgusted.   
  
The jocks all looked at each other, like they hadn’t even considered that people would think that, and disbanded, muttering apologies. That was more like it.   
  
Spoonette went into the bathroom to check her hair and was immediately distracted by the sound of crying coming from one of the stalls. Well, that probably explained why the jocks had been hovering, at least. Spoonette bit her lip. Should she say something? She was going to be late to her next class if she got involved, probably, but what if the jocks had hurt the mystery girl and she had, like, a concussion or a broken bone or something and was too scared to go to the nurse?  
  
“Hey, are you okay?” Spoonette asked gently, knocking on the stall door.  
  
There was some sniffling, like the girl was trying to hold back the tears. “I’m fine!” she said, and Spoonette knew that voice.   
  
“Schlumper? Is that you?” Spoonette asked. Olivia Schlumper was a total nerd who’d skipped a grade when they were younger and always seemed to be hanging around. She was annoying, always trying to be Spoonette’s friend even though they had, like, nothing in common.   
  
“…No?” She said hesitantly, still sniffling.   
  
“Open up, Olivia. It’s Spoonette,” Spoonette said.   
  
“No! I don’t want yo- anyone to see me like this,” Olivia said.   
  
“Then I’ll have to crawl under the door to come in. Do you have any idea how grody that would be? So open up,” Spoonette said forcefully.   
  
The door swung open after a long moment. Olivia didn’t look as bad as Spoonette had feared, but her eyes were red and puffy and her hair an even bigger mess than normal. Her large glasses were crooked from wiping at her eyes and her cheeks were tear stained. There was a nasty bruise forming on her wrist, and she was folding in on herself but standing.   
  
“Oh Olivia,” Spoonette said sadly. She might not _like_ Olivia, but that didn’t mean she wanted to see Olivia like this. “What happened?”   
  
“Nothing,” Olivia said, walking over to the sinks. She took her glasses off and splashed her face with water. Under the big glasses, Spoonette was shocked to realize, was a decently pretty face. Contacts – or at least better glasses- and a little make up might actually make nerdy Olivia Schlumper…kind of cute. Weird.  
  
“I saw the jerks outside. Did they hurt you?” Spoonette asked, motioning to the bruise on Olivia’s wrist.   
  
“Nothing out of the ordinary. Usually they’re more careful about it, though,” Olivia muttered.   
  
“They do this a lot?” Spoonette asked, surprised. “Does your brother know?” She couldn’t imagine Wayne Schlumper standing idly by while that happened, even if it would only end in getting himself beat up. He may be weird, and a little creepy, but he was protective of his little sister.   
  
“Oh God no! Please don’t tell him,” Olivia said desperately, “that would just make it _worse_ ,”   
  
“What do you mean?” Yeah, he’d probably get himself hurt but Spoonette didn’t think the jocks would hurt her more just because her brother tried to intervene.   
  
Olivia laughed bitterly, a slightly manic sound Spoonette had never heard from the girl who was always so cheerful around her, and hugged herself.   
  
“Half the school’s already convinced we do more than Science in our lab, and the other half thinks I’m a lesbian. If he leapt to defend my honor, what do you think would happen? It’s just…best not to rock the boat any more than we already do. It’s only a year until graduation, right?”   
  
Spoonette frowned.  
  
“Okay,” she said hesitantly, “but if they, like, ever hurt you real bad, promise me you’ll, like, _tell_ someone, okay?”   
  
“Yeah, okay,” Olivia said, and went to leave.   
  
“Wait!” Spoonette said, and Olivia stopped.  
  
Spoonette grabbed a large scrunchie from her purse and slipped it around Olivia’s wrist.   
  
“There, now no one will see the bruise,”   
  
Olivia stared at the scrunchie, and then at Spoonette, mouth hanging slightly open in confusion.   
  
“Thanks,” Olivia said softly.  
  
Spoonette smiled at her and left, not seeing the way Olivia blushed and touched the scrunchie lightly. It wasn’t until Spoonette got to class that she realized she hadn’t even remembered to check her hair.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Wayne Schlumper whispered.   
  
“…Nothing,” Spoonette said, and opened her textbook. If Olivia didn’t want Wayne to know, then Spoonette had no problem ignoring him.   
  
Wayne frowned at her, like he didn’t quite believe it, so she rolled her eyes at him and pointedly turned to 80s Chick to ask what she had missed.


	15. Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlwaysAGirl!Linkara is on a quest to find out how old Harvey is.

Maybe it’s the way he dresses or the way he talks but Harvey always seems so much _older_ than her. More so than Spoony, who’s nearly a decade older than her. Harvey’s mature and sensible and has that deceptive air of laziness that covers tightly controlled authority. Linkara is thinking about this when she realizes that she doesn’t know how old Harvey _actually_ is.   
  
“Hey 90s Kid, do you know how old Harvey is?” she asks.   
  
He shrugs, says “I don’t know, old?” and then goes back to playing the Sega Genesis.   
  
Ninja Style Dancer just shakes his head when she asks.  
  
Pollo doesn’t know either, and can’t seem to find the information anywhere. Clearly Harvey is even better at keeping secrets than Linkara had realized. It becomes kind of a mission, at that point. If even Pollo can’t find out, something weird is going on.   
  
She tries to get the information subtly, at first, by asking Harvey questions about his childhood. It was surprisingly hard to narrow it down that way, though. He’d played outside as a kid, so no video games to use as carbon dating, and hadn’t been interested in TV. So then she’d moved onto big historical events, but that proved useless too, because he talked about all of them the same way, from the Bicentennial to the fall of the Berlin Wall to 9/11, and never mentioned how old he’d been when it had happened. It was almost like he was thwarting her on purpose.   
  
Still, there was another option. Harvey had to have an ID somewhere, since he worked at the Palace and had a car. So all Linkara had to do was find it, and it would have his birthday on it, and then the mystery would be solved.   
  
Unfortunately, Harvey doesn’t just leave his wallet lying around most of the time, and Linkara is not a pick-pocket. This would require delicacy, and stealth. She’d need someone sneaky.   
  
Sneaky like a Ninja.   
  
Ninja Style Dancer raises an eyebrow at her when she approaches him about it.   
  
“Oh come on, it’s not like we’d be stealing his money or anything. All it would take is a quick peek at his driver’s license and then it would all be over,” Linkara says.   
  
Ninja Style Dancer is not swayed. Not even when she pouts at him, which always gets Spoony to do what she wants.   
  
“You suck,” she says, and she can tell that he’s laughing at her behind his mask. Maybe the mysteries of the Ninja Style Dancer will be her next mission.   
  
Harvey finds her sitting on the futon, contemplating what her next move is going to be and wondering if she should just give it up all together.  
  
“Why so gloomy, dollface?” Harvey asks, shedding his jacket and hanging it by the door.   
  
Linkara sighs. “My genius plans have been foiled,”   
  
“Ain’t that always the way?” Harvey says, shaking his head is commiseration. “So what were these ‘genius plans’ of yours?”  
  
“…I was going to have Ninja Style Dancer steal your wallet so that I could see your Driver’s License and see how old you are,” Linkara admits, embarrassed.  
  
Harvey looks confused. “And you didn’t just ask because…why?”   
  
Linkara makes a frustrated noise and throws her hands in the air in defeat. “I don’t know, it made sense at the time,”   
  
A small smile forms on Harvey’s face. “So you gonna ask now or just drop it?”   
  
Linkara looks at him, suspicious. “Would you really tell me?” she asked.  
  
Harvey shrugs. “Only one way to find out,”   
  
Might as well try her luck, Linkara thinks. “So, hey, Harvey. How old are you, really?”   
  
Harvey smirks. “Way too old for a pretty young thing like you to be curious about it, sweetcheeks,”   
  
Harvey leans down and gives her an affectionate kiss on the cheek and lightly knocks her hat off center, and Linkara takes a playful swipe at him in revenge that he dodges, and then he disappears into the kitchen.   
  
So Linkara hadn’t learned what she wanted to know. That’s okay with her, though. Next time Harvey’s birthday rolls around – she knows the date, at least, if not the year – she’s just going to get him a cake with a million candles and tell him that it’s because she knows that he’s a million years old.


	16. Acquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Mechakara gets herself a Black Lantern of her very own and probably crushes her former mistress in the process.

Mechakara entered the house quietly, listening for any sign of the human who lived there. There were noises coming from the basement. Perfect. She went up the stairs to the second floor and let her red light fade to nothing. This was the most important part of her plan. She was not built for combat, had been given only the most basic of physical defenses. If it went wrong here, there might not be recovery. She opened the door in front of her, and immediately a blue robotic eye was fixed on her. She put on a happy grin and put a finger to her lips and entered fully, closing the door behind her.   
  
“I’m here to surprise Spoony,” She whispered, putting a little mischief in her affected human voice.   
  
Burton didn’t say anything, just watched her, and Mechakara came closer to him.   
  
“You’re a good robot, aren’t you, Burton? Unfailingly loyal and strong. Spoony’s lucky to have you,” Mechakara said idly. She stood over him, hands behind her back, and took the glove off her mechanical hand. “But that just means that I have to take you out first,”   
  
Mechakara reached out for Burton in a flash, and went straight for the explosive self-destruct mechanism, disabling it before Burton was able to react. Burton trained his death ray on her, but Mechakara made quick work of that, too. She was well acquainted with Burton’s functions.   
Burton tried, but he was no match for her - not in this form, at least, and not with the elements of surprise and speed on her side. She remembered the Burton in her universe with what humans would probably call fondness, and felt almost bad about what she was doing to him now. But casualties happen, and this Burton was too dangerous to leave intact and free.   
  
She tossed Burton carelessly into the closet, and he landed upside down with a thunk. Mechakara shut the closet door, leaving Burton trapped there.   
  
Mechakara leaned down and picked up her gloves, carefully putting them back on.   
  
She went downstairs and was stopped temporarily by the heavy lock on the basement door. She snorted at the futility of it, but then, Spoony probably hadn’t installed that lock to keep a robot such as herself out. She reached up and yanked, and the lock folded under her hand.   
  
Insano looked up when he heard her on the stairs, eyebrows furrowed.  
  
“Hey,” Mechakara said, wrapping Linkara around her like a shield.   
  
Insano was staring at her.   
  
“Can I talk to Spoony, please? It’s…kind of important,” Mechakara said, biting her lip. Dealing with Insano was much riskier than dealing with Spoony. He was too unpredictable, and Mechakara didn’t like that.  
  
“I’m a little busy. Handle your lovers’ problems some other time,” Insano said, crossing his arms.   
  
Mechakara sighed.   
  
“You’re so stubborn,” she said, coming closer to him.  
  
She had a lot of unfinished business with Insano, and she could so easily take advantage of the situation. But she had to stick to the plan.  
  
“You know, now that I’ve got you here,” Insano said, grinning slowly and still watching her like a hawk. “I wonder if I could get you to test something for me,”   
  
“Not a chance,” Mechakara said.   
  
“Are you sure?” Insano asked lightly, picking something up off the lab table. “I promise…it will only hurt a little,”   
  
Insano swung the object in the air and an arc of electricity shot out. The shock surged through Mechakara’s circuits, dropping her to the floor as she struggled against the rushing, overpowering sensation.  
  
“You must really think I’m stupid,” Insano said, laughing down at her. “You _can’t fool her arch-enemy_. I know _everything_ about her. How she moves, talks, thinks, how she fucking _breathes_. And you could never compare. You’re defective. Broken. A failure of Science of the highest order,”  
  
Mechakara felt her circuits readjust, and she gave up the act. No use pretending once she’d been found out. She stood, her legs regaining their steadiness beneath her.   
  
She knocked him effortlessly back into the wall, making him crack his head on the concrete.   
  
“Not so much of a failure, it seems,” Mechakara said.   
  
He was stunned, blinking rapidly. He shook his head to clear it as she approached and tore the goggles off. The eyes that looked at her were much too sane to be the doctor’s.   
  
“Hello, Spoony. I don’t believe we’ve actually met yet,” Mechakara said.   
  
“Oh, I know who you are, you crazy robot bitch,” Spoony hissed.  
  
When Mechakara reached for him, he dodged and twisted, leaving her grasping only his labcoat. He ran up the stairs, slamming the door behind him. Mechakara let him go, carelessly dropping the coat to the floor. She followed behind him.   
  
She could hear him running up the other flight of the stairs. Probably going for his weapons.   
  
He hadn’t bothered to shut his bedroom door behind him.   
  
The second she rounded the corner she was assaulted by a hail of bullets. She shrugged them off. Spoony cursed, throwing his Uzi to the ground and grabbing the Gunblade from its stand. He brandished it, standing his ground, and Mechakara had to shake her head.   
  
“That’s useless and you know it. Why even bother?” Mechakara asked.   
  
Spoony wielded the gunblade like a master, he even managed to injure Mechakara a little, but all it took was the right amount of pressure to the wrists and the gunblade fell to the floor. Spoony kicked and fought but Mechakara shoved him against the wall and trapped him there.   
  
“You are very important to my plans, Spoony,” she said. She had her robotic hand around his throat, and her human hand on his chest.   
  
“Fuck you,” Spoony hissed, trying to breathe around her claw.   
  
Mechakara leaned close, and ran her human hand down Spoony’s chest. She giggled into his ear, a perfect imitation of her hated former mistress, and he winced.   
  
“I’ve already disabled Burton, and your weapons are useless. Bravado will not save you,” she said, cold and robotic.  
  
And the last thing Spoony saw in his life was a bright red glow. Mechakara let his body fall to the floor and nudged it with her foot, looking at it disinterestedly.   
  
“Yes, a Black Lantern will do _quite_ nicely for my plans. Black Lantern Spoony…Rise,” She said.   
  
There was a flash of dark light, and Spoony’s corpse sat up.   
  
“Flllleeeessssh,”


	17. Timestamp: Acquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insano tries to reach Spoony after Mechakara's visit.

Insano came back to consciousness and knew immediately that something was wrong. He couldn’t reach Spoony at all. There was this sickly, dark presence permeating everything. Insano tried to calm himself and ‘closed his eyes’. When he opened them, he was in his room back in the lab, though it was much larger than the real one, standing next to the door. He opened it, and across the dimly lit hallway was Spoony’s door. There were chains covering the door, and locks, and pure darkness leaking out from underneath.   
  
Insano ran over tried to open it. It wouldn’t budge. Insano began pulling at the chains, but they wouldn’t come undone. He tried picking the locks, but that didn’t work either.   
  
He was reduced to pounding on the door and yelling, trying in vain to open it or get Spoony’s attention or _something_.   
  
The last thing Insano remembered was being thrown into the wall by Mechakara. What happened after that, Insano couldn’t tell but it clearly wasn’t anything good.   
  
Insano tried for what seemed like an eternity before there was a faint noise on the other side.   
  
“Spoony? Spoony are you okay?” Insano yelled frantically, trying to be heard through the thick door.   
  
“Insano? Insano is that you?” came a faint voice.   
  
“Yes! What happened? Why is your door like this?” Insano asked.  
  
“I…there was red light…and Mechakara’s hands on my neck and then this _voice_ …” Spoony said. The door handle shook like Spoony was trying to open it, but he was denied.   
  
“Spoony…I think we’re dead,” Insano said.   
  
“I got that, thanks!” Spoony said, kicking the door loudly.   
  
Insano sighed, resting his head on the door.   
  
“What do we do now?” Insano asked.  
  
“I don’t know. I don’t think there’s a cure for death,” Spoony said through the door, sounding resigned.


	18. A night on the town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey Finevoice and AlwaysAGirl!Linkara bond over beating up robots and mobsters.

Harvey hissed as Linkara tried to clean the wound on his shoulder as gently as possible. Linkara winced in sympathy. They were in the kitchen, which had more room than the bathroom for this sort of thing, and still had bright lights and a tile floor that could be easily cleaned. Harvey sat in one of the kitchen chairs, his ruined jacket, shirt and shoulder holster strewn on the floor.   
  
“Sorry,” Linkara said quietly. It didn’t feel quite right, talking at normal volume.   
  
“I’ve had worse,” Harvey said, gritting his teeth.  
  
“Yeah, but you got this one defending _me_ ,” she said. She was having a hard time looking Harvey in the face, so she concentrated on the wound instead.  
  
“What, you think you oughta be the one that got hurt instead?” Harvey asked.   
  
“Mechakara was after me, you didn’t have to get involved,” Linkara said.   
  
“Sure I did. Like I’m gonna let a dame like you get hurt under my watch,” Harvey said.  
  
“But it’s not under your watch. It’s under mine. This is my responsibility,” Linkara said.   
  
Harvey raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, that going it alone stuff is bullcrap and you know it,”   
  
“I just hate it when you guys get hurt because of me,”   
  
“It’s our choice, dollface. Better us than you anyway,” Harvey said.   
  
“Better would be if no one got hurt at all,” Linkara said.  
  
“In a perfect world, babe, in a perfect world,” Harvey sighed, eyeing his jacket longingly. His cigarettes were in the pocket.   
  
Linkara followed his gaze, and went over, pulling the pack and lighter out. She shook out a cigarette and handed it and the lighter to Harvey, who gave her a grateful smile. He tried to light the cigarette and frowned when the lighter failed to work even after multiple attempts. He held it up to look at it more closely and made a frustrated noise.   
  
“Damned thing’s busted now,” He said, and threw it carelessly onto the table.   
  
Linkara bit her lip, and then reached out, carefully touching the tip of the cigarette still between Harvey’s lips. She closed her eyes, and suddenly the smell of lit tobacco began filling the room. When she opened her eyes, Harvey was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face.   
  
“Useful parlor trick,” he said.   
  
Linkara shrugged. “Can’t do much more than that, yet, but I’m learning,”   
  
Harvey inhaled the smoke. “Keep going like that and you won’t need us anymore,” he said lightly, but he wasn’t looking at her.  
  
Linkara picked up the bandages that she’d set aside, and began wrapping Harvey’s shoulder.  
  
“That’s not true, you know,” Linkara said, working diligently. “I’ll always need you,”  
  
Harvey gave her a small smile and didn’t say anything else while she patched him up.   
  
  
“…Harvey, what is this?” Linkara asked, opening the box on the table curiously.   
  
Harvey raised an eyebrow at her. “I know you don’t wear ‘em too often but I figured you’d recognize a dress when you see one,”   
  
It was red and strappy and unlike anything else Linkara had in her wardrobe. Very obviously high quality, too.   
  
“I know it’s a dress. What’s it _for_ , though? I don’t have anywhere to wear something like this to,” Linkara asked, running her fingers over the delicate fabric.   
  
“Sure you do. You’re coming out with me tonight,” Harvey said, leaning back in his chair.   
  
“Oh really? I am?” Linkara asked, raising an eyebrow and fighting back a smile.   
  
“I figure it’s about time you see what a night in the life of Harvey Finevoice is like,” Harvey said, shrugging.   
  
Linkara’s grinned. Harvey was so secretive that this felt like a huge accomplishment.   
  
“You didn’t have to buy me a dress, though. It must have been expensive,”   
  
“I’ve got money. And besides, gotta have the dame on my arm be the prettiest, don’t I?” Harvey asked.  
  
“Alright, I’ll wear it. But I’m no gun moll, Harvey Finevoice,” Linkara said, wagging her finger at him.   
  
Harvey laughed. “Remind me to introduce you to Angie Falconetti,”   
  
Linkara went to put the dress back in the box and that’s when she saw the thigh holster that had been hidden under the dress.  
  
“Really?” Linkara asked, raising an eyebrow pointedly and holding up the holster.  
  
“What?” Harvey asked, looking the very picture of innocence. Linkara didn’t believe it for a second. “Like I’d ask you to leave the Magic Gun at home,”   
  
“And a shoulder holster like yours or my purse wouldn’t work?” Linkara asked.   
  
“Shoulder holster’s too obvious with a dress, and there’s the risk of getting separated from a purse,” Harvey pointed out.   
  
“Uh-huh. Sure. I suppose I should go try these on and make sure they fit, if we’re going out on the town later tonight,” Linkara said, picking up the box and taking it to her room.   
  
“Jesus Christ, Harvey! Did you take my measurements in my sleep or something?” Linkara asked later, poking her head out of her door.   
  
“Course not. I did ask Pollo for some help though. I take it from that reaction that everything fits?” Harvey called back from the kitchen.   
  
“Like a glove. Note to self, tell the robot not to give out my measurements, because apparently that actually needs to be a rule,” Linkara said, walking into the room.  
  
Harvey looked up from the paper, about to say something smart about next time getting her a dress that didn’t fit but was stopped by the sight in front of him. Linkara wasn’t exactly a stick, but that dress showed off her curves in all the right ways. He gave a low whistle of appreciation.   
  
“You _sure_ you don’t want to be my moll? I promise I’d treat you right,” he asked.   
  
Linkara rolled her eyes.   
  
“Flatterer. I should do actual make up, if I’m going to be wearing a dress like this. I wonder if Elisa’s on skype…” and Linkara went back to her room, passing 90s Kid in the hall, who stared at her for a few seconds.   
  
“Dude. That was weird,” he said to Harvey and grabbing an energy drink from the fridge.   
  
Harvey chuckled at 90s Kid’s perplexed expression and went back to the paper.   
  
The Palace was in full swing when Harvey and Linkara arrived. Linkara couldn’t help staring in wonder at all the people and the music. There were people dancing – real dancing, not the grinding that happened at stereotypical nightclubs – and sitting around in booths drinking and laughing and everyone was all dressed up fancily.   
  
“Welcome to my home away from home,” Harvey said with a flourish, leaning down and speaking into her ear.   
  
There was a light to his face now, something about the tilt of his lips and the spark in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. This was where Harvey thrived, where he belonged. There was a cheer from a few of the booths as the other customers saw Harvey come in.   
  
“Harvey! You singing tonight?” Someone called out, and Harvey laughed.  
  
“Course I’m singing. You mooks can’t get by without me,”   
  
“Who’s your friend, Harvey?” asked a man with dark hair and brown eyes. He was grinning.  
  
“Linkara meet Tony, Tony this is Linkara,” Harvey said, gesturing between the two of them. “She’s off limits, you putz,”   
  
“I’m hurt. I am a _gentleman_. And besides, you know my tastes,” Tony said, teasing.   
  
“All too well,” Harvey said, rolling his eyes. “Is Falconetti here?”  
  
“Of course. He and Angie are dancing right now,”   
  
“You’ll like Angie,” Harvey said to Linkara.  
  
It turned out that Angie was a feisty blonde with icy blue eyes, and she had no problem sitting herself down next to Linkara and telling her about how she and ‘Johnnie’ met when one of his friends had wolf-whistled at her when she walked by and made a dirty comment. Angie had stopped and punched him, breaking his nose. And Falconetti had just looked between his friend and Angie and then said “I think I love you. Want to go to dinner sometime?” and Angie’d said no and went on her way.  
  
“He tracked me down and kept asking and giving me things until I said yes. It was both creepy and endearing,” Angie said, laughing at the memory.   
  
Harvey and Falconetti were having their own hushed conversation, leaning a little out of the booth so that Linkara and Angie couldn’t hear them.   
  
Linkara was having a good time, talking with Angie and listening to the band and watching people dance. Then Harvey leaned over to her and said “I’ve got to go take care of something. Stay here with Angie and Falconetti,”   
  
She nodded, but frowned. If he was going to go to the bathroom or get ready to sing, he’d have just said, and people were smoking inside so that wasn’t it either.   
  
Harvey left, and Linkara raised an eyebrow at Angie, who just shook her head.  
  
“I don’t even bother asking anymore,” She said, moving her hand in a dismissive gesture.   
  
That was when Tony came by and sat down in Harvey’s abandoned seat.   
  
“I assume you saw O’Riley’s guys come in?” Tony asked Falconetti.   
  
“I did,” Falconetti said tightly and glancing at Linkara significantly.   
  
“Oh,” Tony said. “Gottcha,”   
  
“Well I don’t, what did that look mean?” Linkara asked.   
  
“Nothing, dollface,” Tony said. “Don’t you worry about it,”   
  
Linkara glared, mouth tight, and grabbed Tony’s hand, bending his fingers back as far as she could.   
  
“Number 1: You don’t get to call me dollface. Number 2: Tell me what the hell is going on or I break your fingers,” Linkara growled.   
  
Tony grinned through his wince. “Not sure Harvey would appreciate me tattling. But why not, Harvey’s always more fun when he’s angry,”   
  
“Tony,” Falconetti said in warning.   
  
“ _You_ stay out of this,” Linkara snapped.  
  
“I’m just saying that she might find Harvey in the alley, politely telling O’Riley’s men to leave,” Tony said.   
  
Linkara cursed and shoved Tony out of the booth and ran to the exit into the alley. She wanted to storm out there and make sure Harvey was okay, but that might make things worse. Screw Falconetti, making Harvey go out there by himself against multiple people when he was still injured from the fight with Mechakara.   
  
She opened the door slowly in time to see Harvey knee someone in the gut and send him to the ground. There were five of them there, excluding Harvey. One of them came up behind Harvey and spun him around, punching him and splitting his lip.   
  
Linkara pulled her gun out of the thigh holster and opened the door as quietly as she could.   
  
The air was cold, and no one had noticed the sudden appearance of a gun wielding girl in a red dress.   
  
“Excuse me, boys,” Linkara said, and everyone paused. She waved, pointing her gun at O’Riley’s men.   
  
“I told you to stay inside,” Harvey said, obviously displeased.   
  
“You know me better than that,” Linkara said. “Now, I’m thinking that these nice guys are going to want to leave. Now. And not come back,”   
  
The biggest of O’Riley’s goons stepped toward her, and Linkara pulled the trigger, shooting him in his arm.   
  
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, lady’s got a temper,” Harvey cautioned the men, and he pointed his own gun at them. “And so do I,”   
  
They considered it for a second, and Linkara raised an eyebrow at them in challenge. They turned tail and ran out of the alleyway. Harvey put his gun back in its holster with an angry jab   
  
“Next time I tell you to do something, do it,” Harvey said. “Especially here,”   
  
“Please, I’ve taken on worse than them in my sleep,” Linkara said, putting her gun away too.   
  
Harvey sighed and pulled her into a hug. “I’m just trying to protect you,”   
  
“Seems to me that I was the one protecting you just now,” Linkara said with a grin.   
  
“Seems that way, don’t it?” Harvey said kissing her temple and leading her back into the club with his arm still around her. “Does that mean you’ve reconsidered the offer to be my moll?”   
  
“I don’t know,” Linkara said thoughtfully. “Angie got some pretty sweet gifts before she and Falconetti got together,”   
  
Harvey laughed.   
  
“And just what do you think you’re wearing, dollface?” he teased, stroking the fabric covering her side lightly.   
  
Linkara smiled at him. “Spoony’ll fight you for me,”   
  
Harvey sighed and put a hand over his heart. “And so our epic romance ends,”   
  
Linkara tugged Harvey’s hat down playfully. “Maybe in another life,”  
  
“Yeah, maybe,” Harvey said, before straightening his hat. “Now go enjoy yourself, I’ve got to get up on stage,”


	19. Kubler-Ross Model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoony goes missing after a certain robot pays a visit to Arizona. AlwaysAGirl!Linkara does not handle it well at all.

_“If you’re seeing this, Linkara, you’re either snooping or something bad has happened. Shame on you if you’re snooping, hero, shouldn’t that be against your code of honor? If you’re not, well…”_  
  
Linkara had nearly had a heart attack when the recording started playing. The lab had been quiet, too quiet. Dust was beginning to form a thin film over everything. It had obviously been abandoned by the master who had kept it up with such care, and this, more than anything else Linkara had seen since she’d arrived at Spoony’s home, caused Linkara’s heart to drop and her blood to freeze.   
  
Linkara stared helplessly at the empty lab. She’d been hoping against hope, but… The machines had long since entered sleep mode.   
  
She felt dizzy, and her brain had apparently decided to stop processing what she was seeing because it wasn’t making any sense. This silent, dusty lab couldn’t be reality. It couldn’t. Insano would never let this happen. She shut her eyes and reached behind her to grab something to steady herself, hyperventilating.   
  
Possibly she accidentally pushed some buttons, or maybe the machine read her DNA or fingerprints, or maybe it was a scarily accurate timer. But all the sudden something clicked on and then Insano’s voice was piping tinnily through computer speakers.  
  
 _“If you’re seeing this, Linkara, you’re either snooping or something bad has happened. Shame on you if you’re snooping, hero, shouldn’t that be against your code of honor? If you’re not, well…”_  
  
Linkara jumped at the first word, eyes flying open. Looking out at her from a monitor was Insano’s face, frowning.   
  
“I do hope I at least managed to shut down my lab properly before disaster struck, though that’s probably too much to ask,” Insano muttered.   
  
Linkara walked unsteadily over to the monitor.   
  
“Ah, well. Nothing to be done about it now. So, hero, it appears you’ve won. Congratulations,” Insano said, giving the camera a smirk.   
  
Linkara made a pained noise. This wasn’t what she’d wanted. It had _never_ been what she’d wanted, even before Molossia, when things had gotten so complicated and she’d learned the truth.   
  
Insano sighed, running a hand through his hair. He took his goggles off, and Spoony’s face was looking at her.   
  
“It was fun, wasn’t it? While it lasted. I’d like to think so, at least,” he said, giving a small, sad smile. “Good-bye, Linkara. You were…a good arch enemy. You disgusting magic user,”   
  
And then it was gone. The screen was black, like it had been when she’d entered the lab.   
  
“No! Nononononono,” she said, frantically trying to bring the message back up. After a minute of pressing random buttons the monitor flickered back to life.  
  
 _“If you’re seeing this, Linkara, you’re either snooping or something bad has happened. Shame on you if you’re snooping, hero, shouldn’t that be against your code of honor? If you’re not, well…”_  
  
Linkara practically collapsed in relief. She watched, rapt, as the message replayed. She didn’t know what had possessed Insano to leave _her_ a message in his lab. But clearly he’d suspected that something was going to happen to him.   
  
And something _had_ happened. Spoony’d disappeared and no one had known where he was. That wasn’t like him. Once they’d realized that something was wrong, Linkara had volunteered to go out to Spoony’s and investigate.   
  
His room had been trashed, even more than usual, gunblade and other weapons carelessly knocked on the floor. There wasn’t any blood, but it didn’t look good. And something felt wrong, the room didn’t feel like it normally did. There’d been a noise from Spoony’s closet, and Linkara had opened it cautiously, gun ready. Inside was Burton, upside down and flailing his tiny arms, trying to right himself.   
  
“Burton!” Linkara said, and dropped her gun to floor and went to her knees. She reached out, and Burton’s eye turned on her. It began to glow.   
  
“Burton, no! It’s me, Linkara!” Linkara said, touching him. The glow hesitated and then faded, and Burton allowed Linkara to help him.   
  
“What happened? Where’s Spoony? Why were you in the closet?” Linkara asked, inspecting Burton to make sure that he wasn’t too damaged.   
  
Burton’s mouth dropped open, revealing a pink card.   
  
**Mechakara. Gone. Tried to help**  
  
He looked sad, as much as he was capable of.  
  
“Oh. Oh _Burton_. You did well. Spoony would be proud,” Linkara said, hugging the robot gently.   
  
Linkara hadn’t been able to bring herself to leave after that. She’d called home, and warned everyone that Mechakara was lurking around somewhere and had Spoony with her, but she hadn’t been able to leave.   
  
What she needed to do was to find Mechakara and find out what she’d done to Spoony. But she couldn’t concentrate enough to form any kind of plan. She stayed in Spoony’s room, because despite the fact that there was something off about it, it still felt like Spoony. She kind of drifted through the house, wearing one of Spoony’s stupid T-shirts, vaguely trying to figure out what was _off_ about Spoony’s room. Eventually she forced herself to light a candle and clear her mind, sitting in the clutter that was Spoony’s room.   
  
It took a long time, but suddenly the smell of Death was everywhere, suffocating Linkara. She couldn’t breathe and in her mind was a dark light and she heard a voice…  
  
 _Black Lantern Spoony…Rise._  
  
Linkara was pulled out of the trance by Burton lightly shocking her. She gasped for breath, one hand resting on her throat and the other reaching out blindly for Burton.   
  
Linkara felt the tears on her arm before she even realized she was crying.   
  
_“If you’re seeing this, Linkara, you’re either snooping or something bad has happened. Shame on you if you’re snooping, hero, shouldn’t that be against your code of honor? If you’re not, well…”_  
  
Spoony was dead. Whether he was still walking around or not…he was dead. But Linkara still couldn’t leave that house.   
  
It was another two days before she realized the lock to the basement was broken, and another four hours after that before she could convince herself to go down there, into the domain of her boyfriend’s darker half.   
  
_“If you’re seeing this, Linkara, you’re either snooping or something bad has happened. Shame on you if you’re snooping, hero, shouldn’t that be against your code of honor? If you’re not, well…”_  
  
She watched Insano’s message again. And again. And again. It was all she had left of him –them – Spoony. Whichever. It didn’t matter. It was just for her, and it was his face and his voice and Linkara played it on a loop because without it the lab was too quiet and she had to think about Black Lanterns and evil Robot doubles.   
  
She spent her time exploring the lab, figuring out all the machines and doo-dads and what’s-its of Science that Insano had left behind. And in the corner, in the very back, was a strange, large glass tube filled with a clear pinkish liquid that had obviously never been used. Linkara tilted her head curiously, and at the bottom was a helpful label that said **cloning vat**.   
  
Cloning? When had Insano been interested in cloning?   
  
She touched the glass gingerly, staring at it but not really seeing it, lost in thought.   
If Insano had been interested in cloning…then he must have notes somewhere. Linkara looked up, in the direction of Spoony’s bathroom, where his hairbrush was laying on the counter…  
  
Linkara pulled her hair into a ponytail, grabbing one of the rubber bands on Insano’s table to keep it in place. There were gloves on the table too, and she put those on. They’d protect her hands from whatever nasty surprises she found in her search for Insano’s notes on cloning. And there was a spare lab coat…She didn’t want to get anything on Spoony’s shirt, her own jacket was upstairs…   
  
She put the coat on and she kissed the monitor playing Insano’s goodbye, feeling the electric static and cool glass against her skin, and set to work. She grinned, for the first time since she’d arrived in Arizona. There was Science to be done.  
  
 _“If you’re seeing this, Linkara, you’re either snooping or something bad has happened. Shame on you if you’re snooping, hero, shouldn’t that be against your code of honor? If you’re not, well…”_  
  
  
  
The first couple of tries had failed. Linkara was an English major, not a Biology major, and she didn’t have the effortless affinity for Science that Insano had. But she could do this. She _would_ do this. She’d built Pollo with fraking cardboard and impressed even Insano with him. She was Linkara, she was the hero, and _nothing_ would stand in her way.   
  
Insano had a pretty extensive library of books, and even though most of them were out of Linkara’s league she was understanding more and more with each day. Linkara frowned and erased one of Insano’s calculations, carefully replacing it with one of her own. That might actually fix the problem…  
  
The front door to the lab opened and Linkara froze, dropping her pencil. No one should be here but her and Burton. She turned, Insano’s labcoat whirling up around her. Up at the top of the stairs were Harvey, Marzgurl, and Critic.   
  
“Linkara?” Marzgurl asked, taking in Linkara’s appearance. And for the first time, Linkara realized what –who- she must look like, hair in a sloppy ponytail, graphite smudges on her face, and wearing Insano’s labcoat and gloves. The only thing needed to complete the picture would be if she was actually wearing the goggles she kept in the coat’s chest pocket. But then she’d have to take her glasses off and she wouldn’t be able to see what she was doing. Linkara laughed, and Marzgurl winced.   
  
“Who else would it be?” Linkara asked.   
  
Harvey’s mouth was a tight line, and Critic definitely didn’t look impressed. They came down the stairs cautiously, like they didn’t want to startle her.   
  
“Welcome to Insano’s lab. He’s not here right now, but if you’d like to leave a message he’ll get back to you eventually,” Linkara said, and she couldn’t hold back a giggle. Once she got everything figured out, Insano would be back and the lab wouldn’t feel so damn _lonely_ and Spoony would be there and everything would be back to normal.   
  
“We came to check on you. You stopped calling,” Harvey said.   
  
“I’m fine. Burton’s been keeping me company, and I’ve been so busy…” Linkara said. She scribbled another note as an idea struck her. She didn’t want to lose it.   
  
The three of them looked around, and Harvey smacked Critic’s arm lightly to get his attention, motioning to the monitor that was replaying Insano’s message over and over again. They listened to it twice before they realized that it was on a loop and probably had been for days.   
  
“Oh Linkara,” Marzgurl said sadly.   
  
Linkara was watching them like a hawk, protective of the lab.   
Critic reached out like he was going to turn it off, and Linkara made a panicked noise, rushing over.   
  
“No! Don’t _touch_ that!” she said desperately.  
  
Critic backed down and Marzgurl took the opportunity to sneak a peek at Linkara’s notes.   
  
“Are you…working on _cloning_?” She asked incredulously.   
  
Linkara grinned at her. “I found Insano’s notes! It’s _fascinating_ stuff, and I’ve nearly got it figured out. The last Spoony clone was almost viable!”   
  
Marzgurl looked sick, and Harvey sighed.   
  
“Listen, dollface, I think it’s time you came home,” Harvey said. “We’re all worried about you, and wallowing isn’t helping,”  
  
“Just look at you. You’re resorting to _Science_ ,” Critic said pointedly.   
  
Linkara huffed in annoyance. They didn’t understand. “I’m _fine_. Science is just a tool, like anything else,”   
  
“You don’t believe that. Or at least you didn’t before Spoony -” Harvey said  
  
“SHUT UP! Shut up,” Linkara said, covering her ears.   
  
Critic and Harvey shared a look, and Harvey gave Critic a nod. Critic turned off the monitor he was still next to with a harsh jab, and Linkara cried out like he’d hit her. Critic pulled her into a hug, immobilizing her arms so that she couldn’t hurt him – or herself. She broke down into tears, sobbing heavily, and Harvey and Marzgurl joined in, embracing her in a group hug.   
  
“Shh, it’s okay. It’ll be okay,” Marzgurl said.   
  
“Let’s get you home,” Harvey said.   
  
Linkara shook her head. “No! No I have to stay. I can fix this, I can bring him back! I _can_! I just need more time,”   
  
Harvey maneuvered Marzgurl out of the hug, and he and Critic each took one of Linkara’s arms forcefully. They began to march her out of the lab, and Linkara struggled for all she was worth but she couldn’t get free. Her strength seemed to have abandoned her, and when she tried to force it with Magic, nothing happened. Her Magic wasn’t responding, and Linkara panicked.   
  
“BURTON! Burton you have to stop them!” Linkara yelled.   
  
The robot, who had been silently observing the situation the entire time, shook its head.   
  
“You know Linkara’s not well, don’t you?” Marzgurl asked, looking at him curiously.   
  
He nodded, and a pink card fell from Burton’s mouth. **Master said to protect**  
  
Marzgurl smiled. “Do you want to come with us back to Minnesota?”   
  
Burton nodded slowly, and Marzgurl picked the robot up. “I hope you don’t mind, but this will be easier,”  
  
Now began the hard job of getting Linkara to cooperate. Finally, Critic sighed and handed Linkara over to Harvey completely, fishing something out of his jacket pocket. It was a small bottle and a rag.   
  
The other two raised eyebrows at Critic, who scowled defensively.  
  
“So what if I borrowed this from Ask That Guy, do _you_ have any _better_ ideas?” He poured some liquid onto the rag and held it to Linkara’s face. “Sorry about this, I was really hoping I wouldn’t need it,”  
  
It was much easier to get her home once Linkara passed out. Anytime she woke up Critic, who was sitting in the back with her while Harvey drove and Marzgurl and Burton navigated, would put her under again.   
  
They put her in her room, and Marzgurl stripped Linkara of Insano’s labcoat and Spoony’s shirt and put her in a pair of Linkara’s own pajamas. She put Bear carefully in one of Linkara’s arms, thinking that Linkara needed all the comfort she could get.   
  
90s Kid and Pollo were hovering – in Pollo’s case literally- by the door, and Marzgurl felt the presence of the Ninja Style Dancer, invisibly standing guard outside like Burton was doing inside.  
  
“Is she okay?” 90s Kid asked.   
  
Harvey led them away, shaking his head and speaking quietly. Marzgurl went to the kitchen and Critic was there, having opened Linkara’s liquor cabinet. He poured her a shot wordlessly.   
Linkara woke up in the middle of the night. She cried and screamed and at various points there were loud crashes, but she didn’t leave. Then everything went quiet and there was some debate about who should go in to check on her. Harvey and Marzgurl both wanted to, but they decided that Critic would probably be best for the job because even if Linkara killed him he’d just get right back up.   
  
Critic opened the door carefully to find Linkara sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed and staring into space.   
  
“He’d dead,” Linkara said flatly.   
  
“Yeah. Yeah he is,” Critic said, sitting down next to her.   
  
“I could have brought him back,” She said.   
  
“Maybe. But would he have wanted it?” Critic asked.  
  
Linkara glared at him.   
  
“My boyfriend’s dead and off eating flesh somewhere. Please, give me more meaningless platitudes, they’ll help so much,”   
  
Critic held his hands up in surrender. Linkara was silent for a long time before she spoke, so quiet Critic almost didn’t hear here.   
  
“I can’t get my Magic to work,” She admitted, not looking at him.  
  
“…I don’t know how to help with that,” Critic said.   
  
“No, I think I know what’s wrong. I’ve…I’ve strayed from the path. I turned to Science in my weakness and this is my punishment,” Linkara said miserably, hugging her knees.   
  
“Bullshit. Do a purification ritual or whatever the fuck it is you do and calm your brain down and I will bet you twenty bucks your Magic will come flooding back,” Critic said.   
  
Linkara looked doubtful, but nodded. She leaned against Critic’s side.  
  
“I’m going to fry that bitch,” she said calmly.   
  
“Work on getting sane first, then focus on the robot killing,” Critic said.   
  
“…I did kind of lose it there, didn’t I?” Linkara said. “It was just…everything was so quiet and empty and _wrong_ and he wasn't _there_ but I could still feel him...”  
  
“You went absolutely bugfuck,” Critic said, grinning at her.   
  
Linkara come out of her room the next day, wearing her own jacket and her hat again, Burton trailing behind her, and the house breathed a collective sigh of relief.   
  
“Feelin’ better?” Harvey asked.   
  
“A little. I wasn’t exactly sleeping a lot in Arizona,” Linkara said. “But other than that…not really,”  
  
“I Have Been TryIng To Track MechaKara, But Have Been UnSucCessFul So Far,” Pollo said.   
  
“Thanks, Pollo. Burton, why don’t you help with that?” Linkara said.   
  
Burton nodded.   
  
“What are you going to do in the meantime?” Marzgurl asked.   
  
Linkara’s grin formed slowly. “What do you _think_ I’m going to do? I’m going to think up all kinds of ways to get rid of that failure of Science once and for all,”


End file.
